Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Dear Martha-

I have adored Martha Stewart from afar, for so many years.

We both worked on our high school newspaper, and our fathers taught us about growing things.

While I am not a Jersey Girl (but I DO love Bruce Springsteen), it seems we have just a couple of things in common.

I pretty much have, or have had, every issue of  her magazine, and several of her cookbooks, and I have watched her show (my favorite guest was Amy Sedaris).

I love to cook, and garden, and entertain (although it's been a while, where parties are concerned).


I just went through the January issue of Living (because I just finished going through my stack of December magazines, in January - clearly the gift ideas, cookie concepts, and Christmas Eve. celebration recipes will have to wait until next year...) so yes, I am a little behind.

Martha, occasionally your monthly calendar (page 2)  makes me feel extremely guilty:  I don't have a citrus tree in my cold house, to check on (Jan. 17th).  But I wish I did.  I know for a fact that I will not be "Spreading alfalfa meal from the feed store on slippery paths to provide traction on ice and snow." ( Jan 27th) as I have to be a nag just to get Mike or Charlie to shovel snow, let alone provide traction.  While I DID 'Take down my Christmas tree and Store my Ornaments and other decorations" on Jan. 2nd (YAY ME!), I am pretty sure that I will NOT be "Meeting with my arborist and reviewing my tree-care programs" on Jan. 24th., as I have had a huge old dead pine tree in my front yard for years that I don't have more than one thousand dollars in discretionary income to use to be removed.  And the City of St. Paul already removed my ash tree that had nothing wrong with it.  But I digress....

Martha, I love you, and I don't think you should have gone to prison for lying, because there are plenty of famous men who lie on a regular basis and don't receive any consequences.  But you served your time graciously, and came back and YOU ROCK.

But really?  Your new Home keeping Room on page 17???  You are making me NUTS.  I am lucky to have a shelf to put my cleaning supplies on, rather than a gorgeous armoire to display them in .  I just DREAM of having a place to store all of my baking tins (other than the basement), and a small area where I can make my jewelry, and cards, and other things that I adore.  Someday....

Inadequately yours,



  1. She certainly sets the bar high. I only wish she was a bit kinder.

  2. Amen sister! I have a sort of qualified admiration of her as well and am so glad to hear someone else say it!

  3. I would rather have a cup of tea with you ANY day, Kristi. (Did anyone else see Martha chastize the audience member who was nervously talking while Marhta was showing her how to fold sheets correctly on the Oprah show several years ago?)

  4. When I read her calendar each month I imagine the cast of SNL doing a skit of each thing, and then I laugh at how unbelievably unattainable all those things are to the average woman. But not all of us have a crew of hundreds to help us! Bravo to all us women who do it all by ourselves!

  5. Every month when I read her calendar I imagine Kristen Wigg or some other funny SNL character doing a skit of some of the things she mentions. And then I ask myself why I still subscribe, because she too makes me nuts. There's usually at least one thing that the average woman might be able to accomplish on her own, since none of us have a crew of hundreds to help us. I'm lucky if I have time to cook a meal, let alone repot some orchids. Criminy.


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